When the Body Speaks in Fear: What My Back Pain Taught Me About Love, Loss, and Letting Go

Lately, I’ve been carrying excruciating back pain.

Not the kind that stretching or rest fixes.

The kind that whispers, “This goes deeper.”

So I listened.

I got still.

I tuned in.

The Image That Broke Me Open

A dear intuitive friend suggested that I might be holding other people’s emotions, and my own, far beneath the surface.

As I allowed myself to drop in, a wave of fear washed over me. But not just any fear, something vivid, specific, primal.

I saw an image of lowering a small casket into the ground.

Burying my son.

Believing it was my fault.

It sent me spiraling. I felt the weight of grief, numbness, disconnection.

I saw it all: my marriage crumbling, moving out, losing my work, my will, my center.

It wasn’t a prediction.. it was the embodiment of my deepest fear.

And my back had been holding it for me.

When We Love Deeply, We Fear Deeply

This wasn’t just a moment of imagination. It was a message.

You are carrying more than you realize.

You love more deeply than you’ve admitted.

You fear losing what matters most .. and that fear needs a place to be seen, not shamed.

So I wept. I opened. I prayed.

And then, something shifted.

I looked up through my tears…

And saw two bluejays perched outside my window.

Two messengers. Two protectors.

A reminder: You are not alone.

What If the Pain Is Wisdom?

I’m sharing this story not for pity or performance.

But because so many of us, especially parents, especially caregivers, are carrying unspoken grief and fear in our bodies.

We pretend we’re fine.

We wonder why we ache.

And sometimes, we only find relief when we finally say:

“This is what I’ve been holding. And I’m ready to let it go.”

So if your body is hurting and it doesn’t quite make sense…

Maybe it’s not just physical.

Maybe your body is asking for presence.

Maybe the fear needs to be loved, not buried.

You Are Not Alone

I still don’t know what this back pain will teach me next.

But I do know this: even the deepest fear can become a doorway to more love.

Even in the mess, the Divine finds a way to whisper, “I’m here.”

And sometimes… the reminder arrives on wings.

___

If this moved something in you…

You’re invited to take a deep breath.

Place a hand on your back.

And whisper:

“I’m with you now. We don’t have to carry this alone.”

If you're craving support in meeting what’s been buried in your body — emotional, energetic, ancestral — this is the work I do.

With compassion. With reverence. With truth.

Learn more about SEER sessions here → www.lesleyturner.ca/services-1

Or send me an email (info@lesleyturner.ca) and say “I’m ready.”

With love, Les